Today was meant to be a good day. Today is not. It has turned out to be a sad day.
Today I was going to announce that I was pregnant. I had even pinned a cool pregnancy announcement idea on Pinterest that I was going to replicate once I got the image from today's ultrasound.
I knew that something was wrong. In fact that was my reason for keeping it from most people. I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right.
For the past couple of weeks I haven't felt pregnant. Its been such a bizarre feeling. I started to show SO early and then it all that just seemed to go away. I have just felt over weight for the past 2 weeks, but not pregnant. Kind of the same way that I have felt after both of the girls were born!
I know my body so well that I knew something was wrong. The same reason that I knew I was pregnant so early. I found out when I was only 4 weeks and even then it was too early to detect a heartbeat because the foetus was so small. I was assured that this was completely normal, but it wasn't so.
I have been told I have what is called an incomplete miscarriage. So basically I have not miscarried the baby on my own and have to have it removed. That is and will be the most distrubing thing for me to deal with.
So the most therapeutic thing I have been able to do today is write this blog post and my [late] New Years resolution to myself is that I am going to update and maintain my blog more frequently. I am unable to keep up with my doll business for the time being because I am home by myself with our 2 girls the majority of the time and our house is just too small to have an area that I can leave set up to come back to when I need to. I had even put a plan in place to change the name of my blog and was going to start blogging again .. begining with the anouncement of my pregnancy. But that was not so.
All is good. I am sure this has happened for a reason. It is better to happen now than for us to have an unhealthy babe.
So with that I will sign out, but I will be back once I have given my blog a make over - and maybe a name change (this has been by far the thing thats made me deal with everything ok today ... oh and maybe the beer that I had before midday today. I got a six pack on the way home from my ultrasound this morning - its ok the girls are in day care)